News satire organization issues its own take on the rumor

Feb 17, 2015 14:55 GMT  ·  By

A tidbit as juicy as the Apple car couldn’t have escaped the satirical wrath of The Onion, the entertainment website featuring essentially fake news articles and video reporting.

Foregoing paragraphs for a bullet-centric approach, the publication decided to knit together a list of features packed to the brim with Apple puns, including things like the driver being forced to sign into iCloud before each gear shift, a crack-prone Retina-windshield, compatibility with most major roads (echoing Apple’s habit of teaming up with only the best players in every industry), and a $199 price tag with two-year Verizon contract (a direct pun to Apple’s decade-long carrier pricing)

The Onion’s (hilarious) full list of Apple Car features can be found behind that nice rectangular button below.

For those of you interested in some less fabricated claims, Apple is said to be heavily invested in the project - codenamed Titan - having assembled a team of hundreds to work in areas like “robotics, metals and materials consistent with automobile manufacturing.”

Apple-leased minivans have been spotted roaming the streets of California and New York, but many believe this effort mainly has to do with CarPlay software and advancements in the company’s Maps service.

Apple Car Features